This magazine is all about sex abuse.

Sex abuse is when something sexual is going on and one person: DOESN'T LIKE IT or DOESN'T WANT IT or DIDN'T CHOOSE TO HAVE IT HAPPEN or CAN'T STOP IT

You might be smaller or weaker or younger than the other person. They might be smaller or weaker than you but still have the power to abuse you.

If you don’t have the chance to say NO – that’s not right. We’ve written this to tell you all about it. So if it happens to you or a friend, you can take action.

Sex abuse doesn’t happen to many people. Don’t have nightmares about it because the chances are it won’t happen to you. But it’s something you need to know about. You should know because sexual abuse can be stopped. And sometimes, you can prevent it happening.

When people are being sexually abused, they often feel helpless. They think no-one notices and no-one cares. Or they feel what’s happening is their fault. Or they feel they wouldn’t be believed if they speak out. Or they think nothing can be done. NONE OF THAT IS TRUE.

There are people who would care, would notice, would believe and could help. We know that if young people
did speak out, they could be helped.

READ ON, GET THE FACTS, AND LEARN WHEN AND HOW TO GET HELP.

Download Hands Off: Sex Abuse

PDF format, 839KB, 12pages.

Sex, lies & videotape

SEX
Some people get straight answers if they ask about sex at school or home. But sex talk is a no-no for lots of us. All of us are curious. We want to know how it works, how it feels and what is normal.

It’s normal to be curious and have questions you want answered. It’s normal to feel good when you touch yourself. It’s OK to touch yourself to feel nice. As you get older, it’s normal to want to touch other people, and to share the good feelings. In due time, it’s normal to want to have sex with someone you fancy. That doesn’t mean you have do any of this. Don’t forget it’s against the law to have sex with someone under 16.

So far so good. What’s NOT OK is if any of this happens with someone or in front of someone when one of you:

• Doesn’t like it or
• Doesn’t want it or
• Didn’t choose to have it happen or
• Can’t stop it

People your own age may push you to have sex, or to join in with some sexual games. You may get the idea there’s something wrong with you if you don’t.

There’s nothing odd in leaving this stuff till later. If you don’t want to have sex, you’re normal too. Tell your friends you’re not going to be pushed into anything just to please them. Just say NO!

LIES
The internet is a great way to find things out and chat rooms are fun. But it’s also a place where people who abuse find kids. A lot of us mess around in chat rooms pretending to be someone we’re not. If you do it, so can other people. You may get a message that says “Hi, I’m 14 and live in Derby”. If you were face to face, you’d know if it was true or not. On the internet, you don’t know.

They could be 40, live next door... and abuse. So, you need to be careful what you say about yourself. Even if you say something privately, the other person may put it about on the net. It’ll then be out of your control. It can be hard to recognise someone who abuses or is trying to soften you up. They know the questions to ask to find out about you. So it’s important to follow the rules about safe internet use. Ask someone if you’re not sure what’s going on. Avoid chat rooms that don’t have a moderator.

Always use a nickname, NEVER your real, own or family name. Don’t give your address, phone number, where you go to school or anything that may be used to track you down. And don’t send anyone your picture or any description of yourself. If someone asks, tell a carer or teacher, at once. And if the talk makes you feel uncomfortable or confused, ask an adult to have a look.

Think carefully before giving anyone your email address. NEVER agree to meet an on-line friend without getting an adult involved. If you do meet, make it in public and have your trusted adult with you. And don’t phone people you’ve met on-line. With caller ID they can see your number.

You may come across porn on the internet. It’s OK to be curious – it’s also OK to be shocked. If you see anything that shows sex with children, tell an adult at once. The people putting it up are breaking the law. You may find you can’t get out of such sites by pressing the back button or Escape. You’d have to turn off the computer to get away.

Mobile phones and pagers aren’t always good, either. Bullies might send you filthy or threatening messages. Or a stranger might get hold of your number. It can be scary because it feels as if they step right up close. Think carefully before giving anyone your phone or pager number.

Ask your friends to keep it to themselves, too. If anyone sends you nasty messages, save them and show them to an adult you trust. It’s not your fault if you get stuff like that. It happens to lots of people.

VIDEOTAPE
There’s a lot of dirty videos around. Members of your family or other adults you know may watch them. And someone you know may suggest getting one. It may seem harmless or a good way to learn but it isn’t. People who abuse often use videos or porn as a way of “grooming” or setting you up.

You look at it, you get used to the things it shows. Sooner or later, the nasty stuff starts. If an older person suggests you watch some together, tell a trusted adult at once. Even watching videos with friends isn’t such a good idea. The sort of ideas you get about sex from them aren’t helpful.

They won’t teach you about relationships – quite the opposite. You’ll learn about how to use and abuse people, not get on with them. And while a lot of boys watch it, most girls think it’s gross. If you want to learn about sex, ask your parents, your school or your library to come up with something better. You need and deserve good sex education.

If you are not getting it, ask your parents and teachers to answer your questions.

For further information on internet safety read NCH’s NetSmart rules. For a copy call the NCH Supporter Helpline on 0845 762 6579 or visit www.nch.org.uk/itok

Visit Sexual & Child Abuse Pictures Online, NSPCC Advice Website

Images of child sex abuse, NOT "Child pornography"

Use of the phrase ‘child pornography’ actually works to the advantage of child sex abusers:It indicates legitimacy and compliance on the part of the victim and therefore legality on the part of the abuser.
It conjures up images of children posing in ‘provocative’ positions, rather than suffering horrific abuse.

Every photograph captures an actual situation where a child has been abused. This is not pornography.

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